The trial of being both “not Chinese enough” to celebrate Chinese New Year, and “not Australian enough” to celebrate Australia day.

I have been told recently that there is not enough ranting on my blog that appeals to a greater audience and that my blog is basically made for women of a certain calibre of capitalistic fervour. This is not entirely wrong. I do believe in my many years, I have gone from a high volume of rant-related posts to “OH HEY GAIZ, I BOUGHT THESE!” related posts. This post is part of my plan to amend this state of affairs, and soon there will be far more ranting, combined with the joy of “OH HEY GAIZ, I BOUGHT THESE!” posts so that this little website may appeal to the greater masses.

I’ve been told many times that “You’re so Asian” by my Australian co-workers, combined with the “You’re so Australian” by my Asian counterparts – and the sordid truth is, I have no bloody idea what I now am. Being born in Australia and brought up with strangely traditional (and admittedly, highly neurotic) parents, I’ve been flushed down the cultural toilet with both Asian and Australian values – a laid-back “she’ll be right” mentality combined with the uptight “fight to the tooth and nail to pay for dinner, but buy toilet rolls in bulk” mantras that are pushed by my parents.

Many a time, I’ve found myself utterly confused with the machinations of my Asian parentage – it’s okay to eat rice that is several days old – as long as it doesn’t smell. It’s not okay to have a door directly facing a stair well. Wear a safety pin upon your clothing whilst attending a funeral. Try to never kill a money tree as this probably means that you will die horribly poor and possibly with warts. The number four means death – label all apartments as 3A, 3B and then move on to 5. Individuals with unattached earlobes will live a life of prosperity (think Bhudda and his extremely lobulous ear flaps) – people with attached ear lobes are stingy bastards and should be avoided at all costs. Moles near the mouth mean that you will ear well, but will probably dies of diabetes or some sort of horrible food-related illness…like rampaging cholera.

On the other-hand there are many Asiatic beliefs that I like to to celebrate – eating piles of delicious food when any random relative pops around during the 15-day Chinese New Year celebrations, for example. Red packets filled with money from your elders, is also a great morale lifter. Also, firecrackers, lion dances and the pounding cacophony of the drums – all sounds that I love. Unfortunately, as I get older, I’m finding myself submerged in the confounding rules and regulations of my race rather than the more fun, loud and altogether jolly aspects of being from the far east. Far less red packets (none this year), far less lion dances (none this year) and not even a single firecracker in the area (as you can probably tell, none this year either). And I miss it sorely. But is my progressing lurch in Australianism encroaching on my Asiatic upbringing?

In the same way that I love the finer things of the orient (or the louder things, as the case may be), I find myself entranced by the relaxed attitude of the general Australian public – a fair go, a beer and someone at the BBQ passing out sausages and charred steaks with a sweaty grin. On the other hand is the constant fear that I’m “Not Australian Enough” – genetically blessed with clearly Asiatic features – there’s no mistaking my visage as the result of having two immigrant parents – and this has proven time and time again to be a slight bane of my existence.

But who knows, one day I’ll be able to find the right balance between spring rolls and flip-flops; red packets and endless Summer barbecues; worrying about being a disappointment and following my dreams. And, when that day finally arrives, I’m sure it’ll happen in a big cloud of verve, courage and a large dose of humour. It will probably include falling over, at some integral and entirely embarrassing, point. In any case:

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY / HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

Yes, I’m engaged! I have to say, it’s pretty rad, and I’m already freaking out about planning and so forth and I’m only four days into being engaged – and the date is over a year away, but there you go – Jayne’s got to get into EPIC PLANNING MODE. Lord help us all.

Bee to the dub people, she plays keyboards, percussion, banjo and ukulele – yes, the ukulele, people – she is one half of the American indie pop duo, She & Him (the other half consists of M. Ward), and played the roles of Trillian in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. She also had ADD, helped launch the women-friendly website HelloGiggles and is the face of Rimmel. So, to put it short, she’s alarmingly awe-inspiring.

Adding to this is my love of her wardrobe – both on a personal level, and whoever is the genius that dresses her in New Girl (apparently, a lady named Debra McGuire), consider me astonished at her huge selection of Little Red Dresses (LRD). Which I love. Of course. I was going to write that it’s comparable to any sensible girl’s obsession with the LBD – but then starkly realised that I usually hate dresses on every level. Well, until recently, that is.

All these LRD’s are sourced from Modcloth - it appears that Modcloth is the place to be if you’re in search of a red dress – and my, don’t they have a lot of them there!

JESS DAY (ZOOEY) LOOKING PERKY IN A LRD:

A HANDFULL OF LRD CHOICES:

1. Hollywood Mars Dress $65 - modcloth.com
2. Clink About It $90 - modcloth.com
3. Red At Night $70 - modcloth.com
4. Raspberry Compote $58 - modcloth.com

Now, glasses are a thing I just can not live without – as you know, they assist me with a skill a find very valuable – seeing. So, of course I was happy to see that Jess also clads herself in glasses when she can’t be bothered to switch to contacts. Also..flannel. Flattering.

(I love flannel…shh)

JESS DAY (ZOOEY) LOOKING STUNNED IN SPECS + FLANNEL:

A HANDFULL OF SPECTACLE CHOICES:

1. Kate Spade New York ‘Rebecca’ Reading Glasses (aq/tortoise) $70 - nordstrom.com
2. Reece Jakob Full Frames Prescription Glasses $59 - glassesusa.com
3. Diane Von Furstenberg DVF505RD $65 - couture.zappos.com
4. Kate Spade New York ‘Rebecca’ Reading Glasses (black)  $70 - nordstrom.com

A HANDFULL OF FLANNELETTE CHOICES:

1. TNA Pemberton Flannel Tunic <$60 - aritzia.com
2. Tara flannel $34 - abercrombie.com
3. Millie flannel 25 EUR - monki.com

Now on to the more girly looks – throw in some adorable printed and skater skirts, blouses and pile on practical and colourful footwear – I’ve been on a search to find the perfect pair of cobalt flats – but to no avail – clearly fashion in Australia is getting a little on the weak side.

JESS DAY (ZOOEY) LOOKING QUIZZICAL IN A CUTE BLOUSE, SKIRT + FLATS COMBO:

A HANDFULL OF BLOUSE + SKIRT CHOICES:

1. Ladies Pussy Bow Blouse £16 - peacocks.co.uk
2. 50′s Full Spot Skirt £32 - topshop.com
3. Green Skater Skirt £14 - missselfridge.com
4. JUICY COUTURE French Vanilla Cotton Lace Top With Bow $110 - stylebop.com
5. Halcyon Leather Flip Skirt $375 AUD - zimmermannstore.com

A HANDFULL OF COLOURFUL FLAT CHOICES:

1. Magpie Contrast Toe Points $56 - topshop.com
2. Banana Republic Scotty Color Block Ballet Flat $98 - bananarepublic.gap.com
3. ANNA BAIGUERA Suede Bow Front Ballerinas $94 - boutique1.com
4. Bloch Patent ballerina flats - web.archive.org
5. Patent Leather Ballerina $20 - zara.com
6. Loeffler Randal Aislinn $153 - couture.zappos.com

So, dressing like Jess Day? Yay or Nay? Or everyday?

Soon after purchasing this bag, I also went to the trouble of ordering a handmade, two tone, sideways cross necklace from Sevgi Charms, on Etsy. It’s super delicate, dainty and extra versatile with both 14K gold fill and sterling silver as part of the rigging. Because I’m one of those “OCD About Mixing Metals” women, who find it difficult to deal with mixing an all-gold necklace with an all-silver watch, this little piece helps me tie things together without triggering a panic attack.

Also, my lovely sister decided it was time to replace my old, bunged up Fossil watch, with a new, not-bunged up Fossil watch. With the added bonus of  INTERCHANGEABLE BANDS. This novel concept keeps me entranced for hours on end – I recently also bought a dark-brown leather band to accompany my watch – for when I’m going for the Serious Scholar appearance – which is rare, but it does happen.

Just recently, I also was spoilt with the presence of T-REX EARRINGS from the lovely Yi-Lin – I’ve been wearing these lovelies every day since they’ve landed on my doorstep. Okay, so they arrived two days ago, but that’s not the point, the point is that they’re mine, and I love them dearly.

I also bought these Marc by Marc Jacobs enamel logo disc earrings…

Shh, don’t tell anyone.

Yes, it’s yet another New Year – another reason to make ridiculous resolutions that one resolves to keep, but never can, and ends up either a) forgetting completely about them, or b) resenting the confining conditions of their, no seemingly ridiculous resolutions. This year, I have resolved to not make any resolutions – for a change. No, it’s not because I’m obstinately against the idea of “conforming to the norm”, nor am I attempting to “make a point” – I’m just very certain in my lack of ability to keep them.  Call me a realist.

In any case, on a whim, my boyo and I suddenly decided to host a mini “New Year BBQ” at his place to sluggily welcome in the New Year with piles of grilled meat, beer and friends. I say “on a whim” because we happened to be walking through Coles when the idea took us, and I place “New Year BBQ” in heavy inverted commas as we decided this on the second day of January. Don’t you know Asians are ALWAYS fashionably (and annoyingly) late?

So, with this in mind, we jumbled together a small number of friends, cleaned out the backyard and the old gas barbecue for a good two hours – Jif’ing and pressure-sparying the ever-living-crap out of the place to finally decide that we would go and buy a new charcoal kettle barbecue instead. Because we’re classy like that. 

After a quick detour to the local Bunnings (yes, open on New Years, like 70% of the shops), we returned with a sturdy Wiltshire BAR-B and after a group-effort construction feat, we had a new barbecue and were impatient to put it to good use.

OH DELICIOUS SALAD: My sister's delicious salad - baby spinach, rocket, cherry tomatoes, red onion, fetta and ground pepper corns with a light french dressing. Oh my, be still me beating heart!

BEVERAGE CHOICES FOR THE EVENING: Imported Heineken (of which I have been expressively told, is far better than it’s Australian-produced yokel of a cousin), Lowenbrau (BEST light beer) and a comically large can of Asahi (which we we weren’t actually allowed to open – but admired from a far).

EVERYTHING IN SAUCE: and everything on sticks. Being of the Lazy-Variety of Humanoid, we decided to put all that we could on a stick - and slather it all in delicious BBQ sauce. Delicious.

BBQ CORN: Have you ever tried this, slathered in asian BBQ sauce? If you haven't you should probably make a point of finding out soon.

After stuffing ourselves liberally with deliciousness, we decided (spontaneously) that we required a little exercise. I had brought sparklers – so the instant assumption is that we should run about with them lit and hooting with glee – thereby making the neighbours hate our guts. Of which we performed with much gumption.

OOPS, FAIL: Proof of my incompetence - a backwards 2012. Yeah, some things I'm just not fabulous at.

H A P P Y  N E W  Y E A R ,  E V E R YO N E !

WISHING YOU ALL A BLOODY LOVELY 2012. MAY JAYJAYNE.COM BRING YOU MORE RIDICULOUSLY LOVELY PICTURES OF FOOD AND ALPACAS AND ALL THINGS AWESOME IN THIS NEW YEAR. WITH LOTS OF LOVE, XOXO JAYNE.

ALPACAS SAY YHERRO: Big alpaca and super-bling alpaca catch up.

It’s well documented that I love alpacas. Their little fuzzy heads, their stern furrowed brows, their stumpy little legs and their pouffy little rum-ball tails. Yes, alpacas make me happy, when ever I see one, I squeal in utter delight. So, keeping this in mind, you all won’t be surprised when I say that I bought an army of these little fellas online a few weeks back – from pretty much the only lady on the interwebs that doesn’t charge you an arm and a leg to become an owner of one of these adorable little fuzz-balls.

BIG OL' ALPACA HEAD: Hullo, hullo, puffy head. Love how it's hair curls in little whorls.

I purchased six little alpaca-y fellas from the Arpakasso Online Shop - Including a Set of four “Party Alpaca Babies”, a white ” Present Alpaca” with a big ‘ol bow on it’s back and a “Jewel Alpaca” – which is absolutely encrusted in rhinestones and is so ridiculously pimped out, I sqealed in delight when I took it out of it’s packaging.

Okay, so I admit, I squealed at everything in that package – several times over. And when anyone asks me about them. Or when I think about them.

PARTAAAAY ALAPACAS! Each of them have a little ball-chain attached to them, so you can tote them around with you.

They arrived about two weeks after my order was posted off to me in Oz – and the seller (Christie, SHOP TOKYO) maintained a fabulous line of communication – letting me know in advance that some items I had decided on buying were out of stock and giving me time to put together new items and combinations. I also received free SAL postage by buying over 5000 YEN in alpacas – a lovely bonus! It arrived in a large brown postal package, sealed off with deco tape and with a very lovely-hand-written note attached to the internal plastic bag that held all my alpacas in a safe bond. SO LOVELY! I would definately love to buy from Christie again – she also has a great Japanese Courier service – that helps you ferry your wanted goods from Tokyo to your choice of destination!

In any case, I have already assigned three of these little lovelies new homes – yes, who do you think I am? Some sort of crazy alpaca mongerer? I’m not THAT selfish – I’ve kept the large-ish white fellow and the little brown party alpaca for my own entertainment and I’m reserving the rhinestone bedecked fuzzy guy for later use in either a blog give-away or birthday present-age! Yes, SUPER PREPARED FOR UPCOMING POSSIBLE EVENTS. Keep your eyes peeled, my lovelies.

WANT SOME YOURSELF?

SHIPPED FROM: Tokyo, Japan.
ITEMS ADDED: Once at the beginning of every month.
SHIPPING: 3 different options, based on package weight.
ORDER FROM THE WEBSITE: ARPAKASSO ONLINE SHOP.

The super cute Pixar Luxo lamp (with accompanying, Luxo Junior).

Lampie says, "YHERRO!" - The Homemaker™ Drafting Lamp.

In my anxiousness to cart it on home, I completely failed to check the lightbulb setting – this lamp only takes an E14 (small Edison screw) globe – that’s right, a fairly rare little lightbulb. Luckily, I also have the same type of lightbulb in an older Ikea lamp of mine – unfortunately, i think you can only buy them from Ikea (the SPARSAM bulb). A slight fail party on my part – like buying a superspecialawesome helicopter for Christmas and then promptly forgetting to purchase batteries. Let down.

Light bulb shame - ugh, why can't I read the packaging properly?

I’m currently planning to pick up some Ikea’n lightbulbs before I prounce (Prance + Pounce) off to work. Oh, did I mention that my workplace is down the road from Ikea? That’s right, match made in heaven.

Also, my miniature succulent Rudy/Dylan passed away (plant has two names due to indecision on the part of my boyfriend, who forgot that he had originally decided to name the plant Rudy, and then two weeks ago, decided to call the plant Dylan). I have to admit, I have been tardy – I hadn’t watered the plant for a good long while, so the other day, when I noticed Rudy/Dylan looking morose and swelterey, I took it upon myself to douse him in water.

Today, when I went to check on his progress, I found him looking like this:

Yup, that's mould.

On the upside, I have been comforted by the assurance of one of my friend’s – that managed to kill of a cactus by not watering it for an indiscriminate period of time (a have an inkling that it was a REALLY LONG period of time). Also, my cousin claims that I should invest in a Plastix plant. That wasn’t comforting as much as it was blatantly honest. And, so very true.

I have already hidden his soggy remains in the backyard and replaced his position in my “not a smushed plastic cup” ceramic cup with a new plant. I am currently taking suggestions for names – but I’m swinging to either Onix or Steelix – as clearly, the little fella kind of looks like a rock Pokemon. Well, he does in my head.

Onix or Steelix? Classic or New Gen? Help me decide - because I'm hopeless at deciding.

I have a very large collection of Instax images that I have procured over the year-and-a-bit that I’ve had a my trusty little Instax Mini 25s! A cute little white instant camera, created by the lovely people at Fuji to sedate the camera whore within each and every one of us (yes, everybody needs one of these) – the questions is – how do you store them? Yes, they’re great for gifts and sending a little moment out to pals in envelope and whutnot, but what if you want to display the crap out of them? WHERL KIDS, GATHER ROUND.

BADLY APPLIED NAIL POLISH - LET ME DISTRACT YOU WITH THE SHINY STARS!

After meandering about aimlessly in my local BigW, a touch of glitter caught my eye in the Christmas card lane – a chain of teeny silver pegs embellished with glitter-decked stars. BUY? Of course. You would probably think less of me, if I didn’t.

Of course, when I collate my collection of Christmas cards, these Instax images will be replaced temporarily with Christmas cards, but we’ll get there when we gwt there. Also,a little reminder to those who have CHANGED THEIR RESIDENCY over the past year – if you would like to receive my little handmade Christmas cardery this year, please e-mail me your new address – iamjayjayne (a) gmail.com - cheers!

INSPO:

THIS IS ACTUALLY AN EXCEPT FOR AN ADVERT FOR THE DECO STICKERS (WHICH I ALSO HAPPEN TO HAVE) - BUT WHAT VIBRANT COLOURS!

@ SHOPPING WITH TEA

PERFECT FOR CREATING YOUR LITTLE PEG GARLAND. YOU CAN ALSO GET LARGE PACKS OF MINI-PEGS FROM YOUR LOCAL CRAFT SHOP OR EL' CHEAPO SHOPS (SUCH AS CRAZY CLARKS AND THE REJECT SHOP).

@ HEART HANDMADE UK

COMPLETE WITH LITTLE NUMBERS ADHERED TO YOUR PEGS. CUTE! ALTHOUGH, EVEN I'M NOT CERTAIN ABOUT THEIR FUNCTION.

@ BOQINANA

YOU CAN HANG UP PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ALL YEAR ROUND - CONCERT TICKETS, REMINDERS, MANKY OLD MINTIE WRAPPERS AND PARKING FINES - IF YOU DON'T HAVE CUTE LITTLE INSTAX IMAGES TO POST UP.

@ MILKODESIGNBLOG

COMPLETE WITH AN ADORABLE TUTORIAL ON HOW TO MAKE WASHI-TAPE DECORATED PEG MAGNETS. SUPER!

@ ATYPICAL TYPE A

MUST-HAVE TUMBLERS. YOU MUST HAAAAAVE THEM ALL.

I recently visited Ikea and drooled all over the delicious merchandise – while forcing my friend, Jasper, to pose with random stuffed toys. Yes, I’m an unforgiving, two-horned photo-mongerer. It’s how I roll. Also, I managed to obtain a set of polka-dotted tumblers. Basically, I wanted to dedicate this post to polka-dotted tumblers and the glory that is Ikea.

GODIS MIX Glass, light blue $5.99/6 pack. They also are available in yellow polka-dots and a vast variety of psychedelic patterns, but cute-simple (cu-imple) is best!

BUY THEM, BUY THEM ALL.

I first spied these tumblers in the Instagram account of fellow blogger, and resident Ikea Insider, Leanne – and I very nearly salivated on the monitor. I have finally got my grubby hands on a set and I’m never letting go. NEVER. LETTING. GO.

EVER.